Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
