Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
