YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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