I wish they made helmets for livers.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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