I have demons in me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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