just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
