Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
