She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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