Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
