He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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