The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
