Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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