Cold hands, warm shart.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize