Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This is my gift to your gina
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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