I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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