I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
