how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
