I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
