I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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