can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
