don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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