I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
