I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
