just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize