but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
