the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
