We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
