why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
