i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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