i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
