Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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