I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
