I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize