When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
