Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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