I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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