Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he shaved USA in his pubs
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
