She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
