They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
