1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
