i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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