I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
