I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
