we have officially lost it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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