My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just had sex on a roof
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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