This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
