remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
