Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
