I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
