a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
