is your mom at the bar?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
