woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
