At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
