My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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