Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Do vagina's smell?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
