My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
