If i come over, it means nothing
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
