In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dignity is for republicans.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
