Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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