I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
