Don't you send me to vm
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I've blown a few things in my day
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
