***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
