he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
