what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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