Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
