The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
