You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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