I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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