i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
