it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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