apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize