Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
