and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize